Saturday, June 19, 2010

Yr 11 poem

Wow. I discovered some old year 11 & 12 creative writing pieces that I did, was it, 13 years ago? Jeepers. Creative writing is something I've always enjoyed and been reasonably ok at, but thought I would end up doing in another life; like when I was 50 and had met a multitude of people, travelled, or had had enough near-death experiences in exotic places to make the read worthwhile. So I never entered that creative writing course at Deakin. Instead I went to La Trobe to be a Speech Path. After all, I'd knew I'd get bored in front of a computer without people after a few hours!

And now here I am, alone for hours on end at home, often with my computer! Ironic. Smiley face.

Here is a poem written when in Year 11, at 17: I have not changed a word of the original, after considering it!

Time
You meet; then ponder
It, Him, Her and feel some wonder
Yes! Positive. Sky is blue.
I'm of special consideration on the twelfth of August 1992.
And donc, one fumbles a tongue, or gestures
incorrectly:
And for a time
I'm left stunned, spiritually famished and standing quite erectly.
And the clock continues its emotional fluctuation
through souls on pilgrimage
in the World.

Behold the Cosine and Sine rule inventions:
A practical form describing
such whimsical intentions!

One makes torrid appeals
for one steadfast solution
to supplant this eternal scatter of 'wants' and 'feels'.
To rid of insensible pollution;
by screaming for a Rock to elevate me away...


and it works,
well, for a time anyhow.

******

Those 'emotional fluctuations' could have described my hormonal state as a teen. My mood, academic performance or self-esteem. The gist is, my sense of identity and security lay often squarely on the day's position on the sine/cosine graph (swinging up and down like a pendulum). But really, I think it was talking about my spiritual journey, or 'performance' even: Up and down; the frustrating, never-ending inevitability of that. I didn't see any meaning, narrative or progress. Just up and down. Up and down.

At that time, I knew what the Rock was, who it was... Jesus Christ. I'd experienced Him in person. Experienced the love and safety of his being, the indescribable joy of knowing deep inside that I'm eternally safe because of Jesus' gift. But you forget when learning. I forget today, learning. However, looking back, that rock is more and more the thing that meets me at the low point on the Y axis as well as the high. It's more automatic, that deference to the Rock, than back then.

So over this last decade or so, I've grown more thankful when things go well, acknowledging the Rock who's the one who blesses me with gifts, abilities or happy times. With growth in character or the ability to love better. And I go back (at least eventually) or cling tight to the Rock in the low, when I fail, grieve, am ill for so long, or think or act wrongly against the Creator of love and life itself, against the Rock himself. Or when I am just at a loss as to what to do.

And it 'works', every the time, running to that Rock. My Rock doesn't necessarily take me away from the mess, but that graph of feelings/happenings/performance/spiritual step-ups is not the master of my identity or fate. It is no indicator of my true spiritual state.

The Rock is. And he stays the same.
"...neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our LORD." Rom 8:39

Smiley face.