Some musings of an adventurous gen X/Y-er: Walking the all-encompassing path of healing from Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other things, learning to trust and 'Wait on' the amazing God who Is.
So, about 3 months later, I write to announce wonderful news that the healing that I anticipated....
...has HAPPENED!
Yes: I kid you not. Jesus broke into my life way earlier than I expected- ie. early May! (Picture above a little drawing I did as a small 'Thank You').
The reason I've not been online for so long is for this very reason. I've been out and about living life!
In short, after intense prayer from a man called Ken Fish (this man really knows how to operate in spiritual authority like Jesus), the wretched beast broke. He prayed, but it was Jesus who healed, as Ken would confirm.
The day after several hours of prayer, my heart changed its functioning. My nap times halved immediately in duration. Within a month (early June) I was not needing any naps during the day whatsoever. I can not tell you what a joy it was that day! I would walk around the kitchen and continue exclaiming- 'I can cook my dinner! I don't need to sit down! I don't need to rest today! I can walk!'
I was not getting payback when I did a bit more. I could exercise, and not crash!
So much to share, I doubt I can get it all ordered.
My spirit, body and soul were oppressed for so long- longer than the illness itself even, and I was released from much of it over the weekend of May 8, 2012.
Confronting spiritual roots of illness were identified and broken, praise the Lord!
A religious, or performance-based spirit was removed (performance for love not from love).
Pride.
Other relational and emotional healing was administered in prayer.
My heart had a death assignment over it. It was getting worse- the lack of fitness, it's pumping efficacy.
My multiple hypersensitivities were broken. I can now sit in a busy restaurant or church and not be overwhelmed by the sights, sounds or noise!
My immune system was cleared! I've not had a immune flare-up since- except once or twice after busy days when I needed to just chill and also fight a lady's infection off who I was staying with).
I was able to rapidly (at a supernaturally fast pace) begin getting off my sleeping pills. Rivitril (a more addictive one) is still being used, but at low doses. You can't just jump off these straight away, they need to be petered out. I'm actually at a point now where sleep is being difficult at lower doses, so I am slowing down my weening right now. But the feeling of need for them at bedtime has gone.
All these changes described are the outworking of something much deeper. My body's curse of illness was broken by the power of Jesus around 2000 years ago. On the cross. When Jesus was killed by the religious leaders of the day- and the people, as prophesied. The healing began to manifest powerfully as administered over time- more intensely over the year gone by (See previous posts). A few months ago I saw the results for the first time! I still am seeing them, praise God (Please excuse the overuse of the exclamation mark. You must understand that I am indeed excited)!
His blood shed on the cross was enough to administer full healing and deliverance for me, for everyone. By his wounds, I am healed! He was pierced (with nails) for all our offenses. He bore the sickness and curses that came with them too.
Now I can drive far. To the dandenongs, and back- then to Kew and back (to Nunawading) one night: 2 hours of driving, it was roughly. Before this, I could drive no more than 10 minutes without needing to lie down.
I'm doing things everyday, and not needing to sleep afterward. I'm running, walking and dancing: keeping fit! I'm shopping and doing housework. I even moved house, mostly by myself (aside from the heavy lifting of desks etc).
Today I still am regaining my strength, and learning so much about operating by faith in God. I'm learning to 'walk in my healing', to operate out of rest and of the Spirit, not by my own effort- a large part of what I learnt while ill.
I'm a totally different person to what I was 2 and a bit months ago, even a year ago!
God has brought some new people into my life as well who are encouraging me in what I'm going through with regard to healing today- for myself and others. New experiences of community. I'm so grateful for this amazing provision.
There's too much to share, but more will follow as I'm able. I'm learning, and still processing, and still healing in some deeper ways, all necessary and good. Peace and healing to you my friend! Jesus is alive and He brings healing and hope to all who come to Him, even me!
[Please note I have also been DANCING! It's so refreshing and joyful to be able to twirl and jump, twist and stomp around the house and at worship gatherings without limitation, or the fear of overdoing it. I am really looking forward to a surf one day soon as well].
(Before I begin this delicate topic, I wish to give sincere tribute and respect to those who have suffered for decades without healing, and don't see any in sight. There are many like this, including people in my family. I do not know why we do not see miracles and healing for every single person who has asked Jesus in their lifetime. I know that there are reasons, a lot of which we don't know or understand yet. Yet I do seek to understand them so more people can get healing. I know that the kingdom of Darkness wants people to stay in sickness and die. Yet 'God wills that none should perish' (2 Peter 3:9). Does everything that happens on this earth exactly what God wants? That is a topic of discussion for another day. However I do want to address the idea that God can and does heal, and that this is His ultimate desire for everyone. Read on if you dare!!)
Healing is a-happening. I am on a trajectory of healing! Yes indeed. 'What? Nutty?' I hope not! Well if I am, I hope it's being so for the real Jesus! He's the judge anyways.
Background: Around May last year (2011) I began to receive three random, yet curiously identical images, in three different contexts. They were of a pink rose unfurling.
First came a wonderful card from my Aunt. On the front was the rose, inside words of encouragement and hope in my situation.
Second was a prayer gathering for me and my health, a week or so later. One lady 'saw' a picture of a pink rose with it's petals unfurling, gently opening. She had the word 'healing' accompanying it. She said that it was a picture of my healing to come.
Then later mid-year, a new friend joined our little women's church group that meets in my home. They've met in my home mostly so I can attend, even for a little. It has been a great blessing to me. This new friend suddenly pipes up after prayer time, 'Kara, when I was praying I saw a picture of a rose opening, like in time-lapse photography..in stages..I believe it's to do with your healing, that it will come after a time of more frequent prayer. Soon.'
This was certainly enough to have my attention! I asked my new friend if the rose was a pink one. She said yes, it was.
If you have not experienced much of Christian 'prophecy', here's a little taste! I took this repetitive image and message to be a prophetic word of God of healing to come. I believe it to this day, for healing in this lifetime.
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Fast-forward a few months, I am wondering when this 'unfurling' will happen. I was trusting somewhat hesitantly in this 'word' I'd had: 'Healing to come, soon'. I would tell others about it, but alone I'd sometimes doubt..And I had questions. Still do. Like,
'Is it really for this lifetime, or just heaven? (I say yes, this lifetime!)
'When is soon?' (I don't know- am asking for before August).
'When and how do I receive more intense prayer?' (I'm seeking it out and getting some prayer most weeks so far. I'd love something regular to happen. Yet there's all my faithful friends and family praying persistently over the years.
It's not something I wanted to make happen really. It had to be in God's 'time', I felt. I literally assented in my mind to the word being true about my physical health. I believed it would happen because of the words. Interestingly, I also received repeated prophetic images and words of a boat on rocky seas, describing a rough ride, with Jesus as my anchor and desination. This was especially encouraging, acknowledging the realities and comfort of God being with me in the difficulties to come in the meanwhile, I supposed.
The pink rose didn't change much in my life circumstantially, because I didn't know when this healing should happen. However I did have much renewed hope and encouragement that God was involved in my personal story. So I decided to receive prayer for healing whenever possible and continue to 'wait upon the Lord', my reoccurring mantra and promise from Isaiah 40:
30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
(NB 'Wait for' is often used interchangeably with 'hope in' the Lord)
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Fast-Forward again to now.
Healing. Relevance? Do you get stressed regularly, or catch colds? Any negative thoughts? Or perhaps you are ill with a chronic illness and no cure like me. Perhaps disabled from birth.
Even if mostly healthy, I bet there is something in your life that's not the way things should be. Some oppressive force that seems to forever have the upper hand (eg. gambling/internet/porn addiction) over another or yourself? Did somebody wound you emotionally, even as a child- which deep down still haunts you today?
We all need healing in one kind or another, even if we are physically well enough. I happen to not be physically well, quite clearly.
Do you seek healing out? I believe we do in many things.Why and how if so? Energy healing? Diet and organics? Sexual healing? Or perhaps Facebook- the social healer. I joke, clearly. But true observation, am I right?
Truth is: even if we have a cold, we will mostly do something to make it better, whether it be scoff a ton of vitamin Cs or rest up. We go to the doctor if our arm is broken. We seek out real care for our physical wounds, or other connections/feel-good stuff for those inner wounds to find some relief.
If God is real and made us (which I do believe), then surely he is the one who knows best about healing. And He is the one who is able to do it if anyone is, more than able. He is God after all! He went so far as to create our bodies with inherent self-healing mechanisms in them, like cell renewal every eight years.
It is interesting how many Christians will even when sick, first go to the doctor before bringing it to Jesus. Not that doctors aren't important, or God's agents for health. Or natural therapies. They can be and are helpful in many ways. But man-made (or found) solutions are mostly considered the true god of health. If this is you, do you think God has much to do with healing today? Deep down?
In November I was reminded by a surfing film-maker friend of how much I missed surfing, just watching his art. So after asking God, I took my board in faith with some friends to the beach for one weekend planned already. I didn't know we were going to a surf beach! Hadn't been on my board in 3 years. I didn't expect much to happen, as I was and am so unfit. Miraculously to me, after a little paddling, I jumped up on the board three times within 10 minutes, on little white-wash waves I concede, but waves nonetheless! I was reckless with joy that day as I have a deep and indescribable love for surfing. I had missed and tried to forget those waves like a long-lost lover after a break-up. This was an actual 'step' for me, of faith- of entering into the healing promised.
If you take the time to read the narratives of Jesus in the New Testament of the Bible, say in the account of Luke, there is story after story of healing.
Amazing healings. And also forgiveness: one kind of inner healing. And 'salvation' (note the word is linked with 'salve'- an healing ointment). They most often seem to be linked in the narratives. In the Eastern worldview of the Jews back then, all spheres of life were related and tied together. Other religions hold similar today. An example of this is the New Age spirituality movement concerning the connection between 'mind-body-spirit' and healing. I went to many of these festivals in the past.
There is a word in ancient Greek I have learnt transliterated as 'sozo' (disclaimer: I'm no scholar!) that encompasses the meanings of both 'healed' and 'saved' in some of these narratives in the Bible. I am not going to share here and now all that I have been learning and actually healed of in the last few months, because there's too much! That's what is so beautiful and exciting to me.
However I will share a few first off: About faith, and about God's compassion and desire to heal.
FAITH and GOD'S COMPASSION
Firstly, hearing real stories will inspire you and raise your expectations of what is possible with God, what he can do for you. This is called 'faith': that expectation. It is expressed in action somehow.
Here is one lovely story of a guy who had ME for more than 20 years who was healed recently. Their faith drew them a long distance to a healing event with John Mellor, the Aussie healing evangelist (Yay, an Aussie!). Jesus is the healer in this video as John makes clear in his charming, down-to-earth manner. 'Give the Lord a hand!', will always come out amongst the funny shhuuuuupp noises he makes when praying in the other videos. Check out them out! There are copious healing testimony videos of various disorders including fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, and cancer!
Later, I read the story of another young woman locally- a friend of a new facebook friend who shared her healing story with me in a private facebook message: ME for 8 years, bedbound as a teenager- then one specific day, after regular prayer received from a faithful few, she was better! There's a date she felt the voice and change: to 'get up and walk'! Apparently she even looked quite different, she was told- after 2 weeks!
I hope you are inspired even a little.
Before I was to hear these stories, I ended up staying ('accidentally') at a healing retreat over Summer with my parents at Phillip Island. I had no idea it was a healing retreat center, I simply thought it was some kind of cheaper Christian accommodation. There I found book after book on healing. How had I managed to avoid reading a Christian book specifically dedicated to healing after 5 years of illness? I was a little astounded at my foolishness. Healing teaching and stories about real people, about God's desire to heal seen in Jesus' actions and his words to a leper 'I am willing' (Luke 5). Do read some of these stories if you haven't before! Read them again with fresh eyes if you have.. what do you notice? I recommend the book of Luke as a place to start.
As I devoured these books, trying to seek God about my life direction, I realised that God had an ongoing, deep compassion for me and my situation and for all who suffer. His personal care and concern hit me deeper than ever before. This was what he wanted me to discover. He is wanting to heal and release people from their oppressive and saddening situations. Me from mine! He is compassionate! Before I believed based on the prophetic word. But here I had all the evidence in the bible before me which I hadn't deeply believed, honestly. My faith wasn't based in His character, but in a repeated image of a flower. Now I was overwhelmed by his HUGE character of compassion evidenced in the scriptures themselves. Before, I didn't doubt God was able- but deep down I wondered whether he really wanted to. Part of me thought I was predominantly meant to suffer patiently and show God's glory through my weakness. Even now it passes through my mind.
Indeed we can give glory to God no matter what the situation with the peace and joy that God gives. people often commented on my peace and joy in the midst of my trials. It was a gift of his that I could, and I held to the truth that 'All things work for the good of those love him, who are called according to his purpose.' (Romans 8:28) But the question I now ask is: does the actual situation give the same glory to God as a miracle does? I believe I as a person can, but what of the wretched circumstance? Any hurt in life can be taken and made into something beautiful by God. He uses them for good like Joseph and his technicolour dream coat (you can read the story in Genesis 37-50, NB: Chapter 50:20). Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38-39) if that is where you are, in Christ. However this is only one part of the story. What does the glory of heaven invading earth look like with Jesus?
We see the glory of God in his healing power through Jesus. It shows us who Jesus is. That He is God. He is THE great Physician! And God clearly cares for those who suffer. Enough to do something hard-core about it. God did not invent sickness. Rather sickness was twisted result of the fall of humanity. Sure, God must allow suffering and sickness to happen- death, since it's automatic consequence of sin in our world, the judgment, our groaning and cursed planet with the presence of evil personified (the devil) who loves to spread it. Evil that we sing to the tune of, even without knowing it. God sent Jesus to rescue us from these very things, especially the root cause; the curse of rebellion against God, our 'sin'. What does it mean now to overcome it?
But what does faith have to do with it, you may ask? Why doesn't God just take control and heal everyone now, if the above is true?
I do not have all the answers, even though I might come across that way sometimes, even to myself. I am very much on a steep learning curve right now. A new expectancy has arisen. I saw these videos and read. I visited John for prayer at a session and have been listening to his CDs. One thing I have learnt is that I do know that faith in Jesus is one key, life-changing mechanism taking people's suffering and turning it into miraculous healing- physical, social, mental, emotional and certainly spiritual. Whether it be that person's faith, or a friends' faith to pray, or the one to bring an invalid to Jesus like this man's girlfriend with Mellor. Like the friends of the paralysed man in Mark's account (ch.2). Spiritually, however if we continue in this journey, we need our own faith.
And what is faith? I've been granted a supernatural increase in this area lately. More God! It's not something I can describe easily, the experience, because it is something that one has to do or experience to know truly what it means. It's seen in action, yet it's a heart status. It comes through hearing the word of Jesus. It is a very real substance that is the 'evidence of things unseen'. It is a real thing. It is not an emotion or mental state, although both these can be and are affected. It is ultimately a gift, and really not so much about the levels that I have (remind me!), but what or who I put my faith in- who will save and help me. And that is God. That is Jesus of Nazareth, the ultimate Healer, who demonstrated the same personality and power Yesterday (in history, his reputation remains uncontested by historians and believers alike) as he does Today (you see the stories on the videos) and Forever (Perfect Eternity with Jesus in Heaven).
The life of my heart over Jan/Feb/March 2012 has changed so much that it's hard to communicate in language. No event can help describe it all, though surfing and attending John's healing service certainly helped. There I witnessed miracle after miracle before my eyes (exactly as in the videos) at the service in Geelong, where one girl could even smell for the first time in her life!! There I was also encouraged to keep seeking a miracle, with shameless audacity and persistence as Jesus taught- since the 'seek' and 'knock' mentioned in Luke 11 above are in a present progressive tense, indicating a continuous seeking and knocking ('Seek and keep seeking. Knock and keep knocking' Mellor preached, as many healings happen over time). I've realised that my HEART is actually where much healing has been needed, since that is what stands between myself and God, and that is where my faith and receptiveness to his healing can be found if anywhere. Or perhaps some doubt and apathy that needs to be acknowledged. What is it for you?
Ultimate healing occurs in the heart when it receives Jesus and God's forgiveness for everything we've ever done against him and others. It occurs when it receives God's LOVE. It's through the extraordinary gift of Jesus' death- the penalty he paid for our sins on the cross. This is healing of the rebellious and deadly state we are in against God. This kind of healing is for everyone, the heart-miracle that lasts beyond this lifetime. 'Then Jesus said "Your sins are forgiven" (verse 48)'
So here are a few things that have happened in my heart with regard to healing and God.
- I am excited as I expect to see God to heal me physically soon, whenever exactly soon is. I can feel the 'unfurling' happening now as I press in, as faith and joy fill my heart.
-I am excited (no longer scared!) about surrendering everything that comes to mind to him, my future, my sins, my possessions, my heart. It's because I've been shown how good and gentle he really is. I'm allowing him to heal and forgive any unforgiving and negative thoughts inside- definitely key parts of healing!! Just as, if not more important.
- I believe that he wants healing for me and others. After all, heaven (God's Kingdom in full bloom) is made of glorious, shining bodies, never sick- like and with Jesus. That is a believer's eternal reality and destiny we are promised. For believers- at the very least, even death is only the doorway to full healing. And God's will is that none should die, but have life to the full!
- I now seek healing actively from Jesus, through persistent and 'pressing in' prayer (which I've learnt he responds to) when nothing seems to change. Daily, now. And I try to follow his leadings with what that looks like (ie. seek out a group to pray for me regularly, go to a naturopath (2 people brought it up in conversation in 1 week). All in a restful sense. I don't want to strive or be self or outcome-centred.
- I expect God to do far more than I 'ask or imagine' (Ephesians 3:20), so I am asking big (complete healing before August this year- big for me, though nothing for God!) and I am getting others to ask with me. I'm leaving the answering up to Him, according to his will, yet simultaneously believing that I've already received this healing- somehow! 'Lord I receive your healing power. I agree with your promise that
'he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed' (Jesus on the cross- prophesied in Isaiah 53:5)
It's a weird yet wonderful journey- God help me on it!
These are just a few things.
Stay tuned for more! And may health and healing be yours. May you have faith in Jesus- that He wants to work his glory out in your life- and experience the joy and the reality of heavenly things that goes with!
