Monday, June 13, 2011

I'm getting tested for XMRV (a retrovirus), despite the scientific controversy.

I did this a few weeks ago. Cost a lot of dosh. My parents paid. Blood shipped in eight vials to Belgium. Very generous of my parents. I feel Grateful. White blood cell count and activation also will be checked, along with cytokines. It will be interesting to see where things lead given the current scientific debate. I'm reassured though by my parents and doc that it will not be a waste of money or time. Let's hope so!
I'm more skeptical than I'd like to be, but I guess I'm fighting off being let down by a scientific 'red herring'. It's clear that I don't put my life in science's hands! But I am very, very grateful for everything that scientists do for us, and I advocate whole-heartedly and handedly for more of it.
Thank you smart scientists! Keep up the great work:)

lesson #6: True Family Needed and True Family needs us Weaklings

I wrote this ages ago, and only now have had the get-up to edit and finally publish. Old thoughts made fresh with a click of the button. So fresh to me even! Amazing.

Sick people are often isolated from daily interactions in the normal circles of uni, school, parenting groups, work, sport, mosque, scout, church, volunteer networks or cause groups.
Even friends' events become a more occasional effort to muster (still with pleasure for me though!).

However Mark Sayers (along with many sociologists) explains that it's not just the marginalised that feel isolated. It's a cultural thing that everyone is often behaviourally isolated in this individualist generation. Our sense of 'family', community and commitment, of covenant has dwindled historically, particularly in this 21st century. Watch and read his blog if you're interested- it's definitely worth a look.

The Jesus faith is about being welcomed into God's family through Jesus himself. It's non-negotiable. If I'm an adopted daughter, then I automatically live with brothers and sisters in the world who I need. They need me. We belong to each other as we do to Jesus.

Being sick gives us opportunity to show that bond and allow family and others to care. Practically. As someone who needs practical help, I need to show my needs so they can meet them, and fullfil their sibling or friendship roles. I care for them as they care for me. I can pray or listen. I can be thankful, allow people to serve me, to 'wash my feet' metaphorically speaking. It was humbling and hard the first time it started to happen for me. I wanted to do things by myself, to show I could cope. 'I can do the house-work! It just takes some energy out of me so I've not much left'. 'I can cook, it's just really hard some days'.
'By-MY-SELF' was the first phrase I learnt to stubbornly repeat as a toddler. Seems not much had changed..til much later. I waited for someone to offer, which they did, but I then failed to take them up, because I didn't want to be a burden. Then things began to dawn on me. I've lost a bit of my pride since, for which I'm grateful.

Yes, with a little prompting from my housemate, I phoned/emailed up my church and asked for regular support and help. BIG deal for me! But I did it, and it was very liberating. I also arranged city council help for a small fee. Now I receive prayer, regular meals dropped off (taking into consideration my extremely picky dietry needs as specified by fructose malabsorption (commonly a CFS/CFIDS issue- around 70% of patients) and other spontaneous offers of help as before... just 'let me know when you need something!' Now finally I take up offers. Oh and the council lady is a GEM! It's taken me a little while to get used to receiving help- but it's much easier now!

It's truly healthy to feel free to say 'Please can you help?'. And 'thank you'.
From a Jesus' 'pedicure' perspective (it sounds bizarre, but it's a beautiful story of Jesus interacting with his friends before he dies- check it), it's the essence of following him anyway- saying 'yes please!' to God's love which is extended even to his enemies. It's allowing your embarrassingly 'smelly feet' (and the rest of you) to be washed by a King- who surely ought to be receiving our services! We are simply asked to say: 'I need you'. 'I need help'. 'Thank you'. It's all we can do. Very humbling. There's nothing I can do to equalise the giving with a deed to match, I just need to accept. And then we are commissioned to do the same for one another ongoing! The great thing about Jesus for me is that He helps and serves me everyday in so many ways, including washing me on the inside- wiping the grime of my selfishness and pride (self-sufficiency?) away with his blood and tears shed on the cross.

I am part of a body of people who are my family, not by blood but by Spirit. Some of this family attend my local church. Some don't, they are part of other churches. Incidently, not everyone at my 'local church' are guaranteed to be part of this body, though. The definition of being a 'body' member is being loved and washed inside by Jesus, in faith- and following him.

Every Jesus person is a 'body part'. Some body parts are weak or seemingly useless, like pinkies or earlobes, love-handles or double chins. Eyebrows. You get my drift. Some are apparently strong or useful: like muscles, abs, lungs and kidneys. I would liken the latter to, say, the doctors, front stage people; the preachers or youth group leaders, social-workers, soup-kitchen coordinators, or singers. The former, who knows? That's the thing. We often don't see the weak members do their little bit, 'cos that's them by definition almost. I'll have a go though: the gardeners and cookers, the strays or those who constantly seem on the margins of community, mixed with whole different worlds. The loving grannies who can't leave the house except once a week. The boy with Down's. The depressed and mentally unwell. The chronically ill (includes me: surprise!).

God gives everyone equal value. Not only that, but that we should give special attention to those who seem 'the least'; in opposite proportions to our automatic inclinations. Read Corinthians 12 here and here for reference in the most popular book every written.

Nobody really wants to announce with a megaphone that "I am a gift of God to you". So I why am I writing something that could make me look arrogant at worst, or a guilt-mongerer at best?

Someone who suffers, is a nuisance or who seems useless in any way for serving is really God's deliberate implantation for the good of his people. We are an opportunity for God's people to grow in patience, love and care for one another. We are a reminder that God's kingdom is made up; not of the successful or most efficient, nor the smartest or most active. In fact, all of us are rather useless to God in and of ourselves, really. It's only God's gift of Jesus- the Head- that gives us any life at all. Life so we can begin a feeble journey of learning to live and love and function as a body part- valued. Useful. Dependent on Jesus most of all.

I invite you to ask someone for help with anything as you may need it. Ok here's my obvious marketing mode switched on (Hey- we all market something, it just so happens that Jesus has changed my life and others' unimaginably, so that's who I do it for!): 
 I also want to encourage you to consider the idea of joining the diverse and eclectic flock of the Jesus' clan- us self-confessed spiritual weaklings; to care, and be cared for, if you've not ever thought to before. It's like nothing else this world of competition and independence could offer. It's crazy-love.