Mourning into dancing

"Dry your tears, for soon you shall dance." This was a word given to me at a praise and prayer gathering at my church last Saturday.


Dare I believe it? I will. With all my heart. I've already been dancing. 
This process began when a night of grief overtook me after I began to play the piano on Friday for the first time in, shall we say, a little while? What a waste of this gift that God had given me! So beautiful, these song-gifts. 


I've hardly shared them over the last year. Hardly played alone even. I've been too unmotivated, too fatigued, too burdened with my 'to do' list when I DO have energy, that I've let this gift lie dormant.


But they're not dead I've realised. God knows, he is gracious and has a plan.


Since a night of lament and praise- a public display of grieving and tears, receiving joy, hope, prayers, words and hugs from beautiful women who held me up so I could dance to the last song- I have been released in a new way, again.


I'd been praying about what kind of exercise to do that would actually get me fitter and stronger; out of this frustrating plateau of cyclic floppiness! 


The answer came on Sunday morning following. I can dance! I love to dance before God. I've missed this so much without knowing. This morning, for the second time, I did it in the garden, in front of our hard-rubbish pool on the grass with my ipod pumping 'I surrender...to youuuu... Your love makes it worth it all...' Maybe I'll have over-done it today. Who knows? But either way, my songs are flowing again, my love is growing, his love keeps flowing, and I am joyfully not in control of my days. 


A new day is today. Tomorrow is newer still. And God never takes you backward in his love, only deeper and forward, and I can not wait to see how and where that will be. And it's so like Jesus to give us all of this:

Isaiah 61:
¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 
   because the LORD has anointed me 
   to proclaim good news to the poor. 
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 
   to proclaim freedom for the captives 
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a] 
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor 
   and the day of vengeance of our God, 
to comfort all who mourn, 
 ³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion— 
to bestow on them a crown of beauty 
   instead of ashes, 
the oil of joy 
   instead of mourning, 
and a garment of praise 
   instead of a spirit of despair. 
They will be called oaks of righteousness, 
   a planting of the LORD 
   for the display of his splendor.

lesson #4: All things, good and evil can be used for our ultimate good.

So for 2010 pretty much, not much has changed physically for me. I'm still pretty housebound. I now can't walk that far, like around the block is a Great day for me, physically. If that, I feel on top of the world! I still keep doing my strength exercises like push-ups and crunches, but then one day I might accidently do one too many on top of a busy day previously, and before you know it, I've crashed. Back to square one it seems, after a week almost of recovery. My body is SOoo sensitive! I have to walk on eggshells for it, it seems, and even then, one false move, and merciless punishment awaits. Sickliness to be abhorred!


But I've been learning again and again over the years the following: 
(Romans 8:28-29)
²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a]have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.


The context of this is 'our present sufferings' which we're told are not even worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us. (v18)


I find that very hard to grasp when the sickliness seems so overwhelming, overpowering. But it's in these moments that I recall that even this moment of yuck is being used by God for my good...Why?


It's so I can be conformed to the image of his Son: Jesus! What an honour! He is using my sufferings to help me become like Jesus- because Jesus had to suffer faithfully before God to demonstrate his complete obedience:
(Hebrews 5: 8 'Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered ⁹ and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.')
 If I'm Jesus' sister, then why would I get out of learning the same, his way? 
Jesus was sinless, yet needed to demonstrate his obedience for God's saving purposes. I'm sinFUL, and need to be CHANGED through his obedience-bought salvation. I need to be changed by him, through trials, so that I can learn what it means to really honour God when things aren't as I want, or even should be.
To learn to obey and rejoice in suffering is...:
To really live for his glory, not for pleasure.
To live for heaven, not this earth and it's gifts.
To live for Jesus and not for myself.


Suffering can help us fix our eyes on what is important...relationships, love, the meaning of life, of death. And like patience is only learnt when it's tested by an annoying child (or mother?!), obedience and becoming like Jesus is mostly learnt it seems from going through experiences that test that allegiance.


The test could be anything!
But it's soo worth sticking it out. Because the crown we receive is not worth comparing to our 'brief' struggles, no matter how arduous they feel. Again,  Romans 8:¹⁸ I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.' And 2 Cor 4:17 'our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.' 


^{Wow. How amazing must heaven be? To outlast and outshine ALL my problems put together!} 
So, how do I endure and keep perspective?


I find comfort and focus in thinking and daydreaming of heaven. When things are horrible, it's often then I'm prompted by the Spirit to rejoice in God, because heaven awaits, and it I don't want it to be long, because I'm finding earth really hard right now!! So then I pray, 'Come Lord Jesus', and things feel right. Then I remember that God still has a plan for me to be a blessing to God and others on this earth before he comes- to see heaven invade earth now, and I've a heck of a lot of changing and blessing to do and be still, so I push into prayer and Jesus. I repent of my failings and distractions, and relax; 'cos I know it's Jesus who justifies me each day as God's child, through his sacrifice, not my good works. I get snagged so easy with addictions to ebay, the net and other things, then the battle changes to other things. Say, spiritual pride when I'm doing well; what a joke!  But God is winning in my heart, bit by bit!! He'll finish the job on me, I'm promised; yes.
¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor 4)


So, suffering can be the most useful and beneficial thing we could experience, if we learn through it Jesus' way.


That's all for today (a sickly one at that!)..:D