#8 Whirlwind (or quiet unraveling?) of Healing

(Before I begin this delicate topic, I wish to give sincere tribute and respect to those who have suffered for decades without healing, and don't see any in sight. There are many like this, including people in my family. I do not know why we do not see miracles and healing for every single person who has asked Jesus in their lifetime. I know that there are reasons, a lot of which we don't know or understand yet. Yet I do seek to understand them so more people can get healing. I know that the kingdom of Darkness wants people to stay in sickness and die. Yet 'God wills that none should perish' (2 Peter 3:9). Does everything that happens on this earth exactly what God wants? That is a topic of discussion for another day. However I do want to address the idea that God can and does heal, and that this is His ultimate desire for everyone. Read on if you dare!!)


Healing is a-happening. I am on a trajectory of healing! Yes indeed. 'What? Nutty?' I hope not! Well if I am, I hope it's being so for the real Jesus! He's the judge anyways.

Background: Around May last year (2011) I began to receive three random, yet curiously identical images, in three different contexts. They were of a pink rose unfurling.

First came a wonderful card from my Aunt. On the front was the rose, inside words of encouragement and hope in my situation.

Second was a prayer gathering for me and my health, a week or so later. One lady 'saw' a picture of a pink rose with it's petals unfurling, gently opening. She had the word 'healing' accompanying it. She said that it was a picture of my healing to come.

Then later mid-year, a new friend joined our little women's church group that meets in my home. They've met in my home mostly so I can attend, even for a little. It has been a great blessing to me. This new friend suddenly pipes up after prayer time, 'Kara, when I was praying I saw a picture of a rose opening, like in time-lapse photography..in stages..I believe it's to do with your healing, that it will come after a time of more frequent prayer. Soon.'
This was certainly enough to have my attention! I asked my new friend if the rose was a pink one. She said yes, it was.
If you have not experienced much of Christian 'prophecy', here's a little taste! I took this repetitive image and message to be a prophetic word of God of healing to come. I believe it to this day, for healing in this lifetime.
                                                                              ---      

Fast-forward a few months, I am wondering when this 'unfurling' will happen. I was trusting somewhat hesitantly in this 'word' I'd had: 'Healing to come, soon'. I would tell others about it, but alone I'd sometimes doubt..And I had questions. Still do. Like,
'Is it really for this lifetime, or just heaven? (I say yes, this lifetime!)
'When is soon?' (I don't know- am asking for before August).
'When and how do I receive more intense prayer?' (I'm seeking it out and getting some prayer most weeks so far. I'd love something regular to happen. Yet there's all my faithful friends and family praying persistently over the years.
It's not something I wanted to make happen really. It had to be in God's 'time', I felt. I literally assented in my mind to the word being true about my physical health. I believed it would happen because of the words. Interestingly, I also received repeated prophetic images and words of a boat on rocky seas, describing a rough ride, with Jesus as my anchor and desination. This was especially encouraging, acknowledging the realities and comfort of God being with me in the difficulties to come in the meanwhile, I supposed.
The pink rose didn't change much in my life circumstantially, because I didn't know when this healing should happen. However I did have much renewed hope and encouragement that God was involved in my personal story. So I decided to receive prayer for healing whenever possible and continue to 'wait upon the Lord', my reoccurring mantra and promise from Isaiah 40:

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary, 
   and young men stumble and fall; 
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD 
   will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
   they will run and not grow weary, 
   they will walk and not be faint.                                                                                 
(NB 'Wait for' is often used interchangeably with 'hope in' the Lord)


                                                                                            ---
Fast-Forward again to now.
Healing. Relevance? Do you get stressed regularly, or catch colds? Any negative thoughts? Or perhaps you are ill with a chronic illness and no cure like me. Perhaps disabled from birth.
Even if mostly healthy, I bet there is something in your life that's not the way things should be. Some oppressive force that seems to forever have the upper hand (eg. gambling/internet/porn addiction) over another or yourself? Did somebody wound you emotionally, even as a child- which deep down still haunts you today?
We all need healing in one kind or another, even if we are physically well enough. I happen to not be physically well, quite clearly.

Do you seek healing out?  I believe we do in many things.Why and how if so? Energy healing? Diet and organics? Sexual healing? Or perhaps Facebook- the social healer. I joke, clearly. But true observation, am I right?

Truth is: even if we have a cold, we will mostly do something to make it better, whether it be scoff a ton of vitamin Cs or rest up. We go to the doctor if our arm is broken. We seek out real care for our physical wounds, or other connections/feel-good stuff for those inner wounds to find some relief.

If God is real and made us (which I do believe), then surely he is the one who knows best about healing. And He is the one who is able to do it if anyone is, more than able. He is God after all! He went so far as to create our bodies with inherent self-healing mechanisms in them, like cell renewal every eight years.
It is interesting how many Christians will even when sick, first go to the doctor before bringing it to Jesus. Not that doctors aren't important, or God's agents for health. Or natural therapies. They can be and are helpful in many ways. But man-made (or found) solutions are mostly considered the true god of health. If this is you, do you think God has much to do with healing today? Deep down?

In November I was reminded by a surfing film-maker friend of how much I missed surfing, just watching his art. So after asking God, I took my board in faith with some friends to the beach for one weekend planned already. I didn't know we were going to a surf beach! Hadn't been on my board in 3 years. I didn't expect much to happen, as I was and am so unfit. Miraculously to me, after a little paddling, I jumped up on the board three times within 10 minutes, on little white-wash waves I concede, but waves nonetheless! I was reckless with joy that day as I have a deep and indescribable love for surfing. I had missed and tried to forget those waves like a long-lost lover after a break-up. This was an actual 'step' for me, of faith- of entering into the healing promised.

If you take the time to read the narratives of Jesus in the New Testament of the Bible, say in the account of Luke, there is story after story of healing.
Amazing healings. And also forgiveness: one kind of inner healing. And 'salvation' (note the word is linked with 'salve'- an healing ointment). They most often seem to be linked in the narratives. In the Eastern worldview of the Jews back then, all spheres of life were related and tied together. Other religions hold similar today. An example of this is the New Age spirituality movement concerning the connection between 'mind-body-spirit' and healing. I went to many of these festivals in the past.
There is a word in ancient Greek I have learnt transliterated as 'sozo' (disclaimer: I'm no scholar!) that encompasses the meanings of both 'healed' and 'saved' in some of these narratives in the Bible. I am not going to share here and now all that I have been learning and actually healed of in the last few months, because there's too much! That's what is so beautiful and exciting to me.
However I will share a few first off: About faith, and about God's compassion and desire to heal.

FAITH and GOD'S COMPASSION
Firstly, hearing real stories will inspire you and raise your expectations of what is possible with God, what he can do for you. This is called 'faith': that expectation. It is expressed in action somehow.

 Here is one lovely story of a guy who had ME for more than 20 years who was healed recently. Their faith drew them a long distance to a healing event with John Mellor, the Aussie healing evangelist (Yay, an Aussie!). Jesus is the healer in this video as John makes clear in his charming, down-to-earth manner. 'Give the Lord a hand!', will always come out amongst the funny shhuuuuupp noises he makes when praying in the other videos. Check out them out! There are copious healing testimony videos of various disorders including fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, and cancer!

Later, I read the story of another young woman locally- a friend of a new facebook friend who shared her healing story with me in a private facebook message: ME for 8 years, bedbound as a teenager- then one specific day, after regular prayer received from a faithful few, she was better! There's a date she felt the voice and change: to 'get up and walk'! Apparently she even looked quite different, she was told- after 2 weeks!

I hope you are inspired even a little.

Before I was to hear these stories, I ended up staying ('accidentally') at a healing retreat over Summer with my parents at Phillip Island. I had no idea it was a healing retreat center, I simply thought it was some kind of cheaper Christian accommodation. There I found book after book on healing. How had I managed to avoid reading a Christian book specifically dedicated to healing after 5 years of illness? I was a little astounded at my foolishness. Healing teaching and stories about real people, about God's desire to heal seen in Jesus' actions and his words to a leper 'I am willing' (Luke 5). Do read some of these stories if you haven't before! Read them again with fresh eyes if you have.. what do you notice? I recommend the book of Luke as a place to start.

As I devoured these books, trying to seek God about my life direction, I realised that God had an ongoing, deep compassion for me and my situation and for all who suffer. His personal care and concern hit me deeper than ever before. This was what he wanted me to discover. He is wanting to heal and release people from their oppressive and saddening situations. Me from mine! He is compassionate! Before I believed based on the prophetic word. But here I had all the evidence in the bible before me which I hadn't deeply believed, honestly. My faith wasn't based in His character, but in a repeated image of a flower. Now I was overwhelmed by his HUGE character of compassion evidenced in the scriptures themselves. Before, I didn't doubt God was able- but deep down I wondered whether he really wanted to. Part of me thought I was predominantly meant to suffer patiently and show God's glory through my weakness. Even now it passes through my mind.

Indeed we can give glory to God no matter what the situation with the peace and joy that God gives. people often commented on my peace and joy in the midst of my trials. It was a gift of his that I could, and I held to the truth that 'All things work for the good of those love him, who are called according to his purpose.' (Romans 8:28) But the question I now ask is: does the actual situation give the same glory to God as a miracle does? I believe I as a person can, but what of the wretched circumstance? Any hurt in life can be taken and made into something beautiful by God. He uses them for good like Joseph and his technicolour dream coat (you can read the story in Genesis 37-50, NB: Chapter 50:20). Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38-39) if that is where you are, in Christ. However this is only one part of the story. What does the glory of heaven invading earth look like with Jesus?

We see the glory of God in his healing power through Jesus. It shows us who Jesus is. That He is God. He is THE great Physician! And God clearly cares for those who suffer. Enough to do something hard-core about it. God did not invent sickness. Rather sickness was twisted result of the fall of humanity. Sure, God must allow suffering and sickness to happen- death, since it's automatic consequence of sin in our world, the judgment, our groaning and cursed planet with the presence of evil personified (the devil) who loves to spread it. Evil that we sing to the tune of, even without knowing it. God sent Jesus to rescue us from these very things, especially the root cause; the curse of rebellion against God, our 'sin'. What does it mean now to overcome it?

But what does faith have to do with it, you may ask? Why doesn't God just take control and heal everyone now, if the above is true?
I do not have all the answers, even though I might come across that way sometimes, even to myself. I am very much on a steep learning curve right now. A new expectancy has arisen. I saw these videos and read. I visited John for prayer at a session and have been listening to his CDs. One thing I have learnt is that I do know that faith in Jesus is one key, life-changing mechanism taking people's suffering and turning it into miraculous healing- physical, social, mental, emotional and certainly spiritual. Whether it be that person's faith, or a friends' faith to pray, or the one to bring an invalid to Jesus like this man's girlfriend with Mellor. Like the friends of the paralysed man in Mark's account (ch.2). Spiritually, however if we continue in this journey, we need our own faith.

And what is faith? I've been granted a supernatural increase in this area lately. More God! It's not something I can describe easily, the experience, because it is something that one has to do or experience to know truly what it means. It's seen in action, yet it's a heart status. It comes through hearing the word of Jesus. It is a very real substance that is the 'evidence of things unseen'. It is a real thing. It is not an emotion or mental state, although both these can be and are affected. It is ultimately a gift, and really not so much about the levels that I have (remind me!), but what or who I put my faith  in- who will save and help me. And that is God. That is Jesus of Nazareth, the ultimate Healer, who demonstrated the same personality and power Yesterday (in history, his reputation remains uncontested by historians and believers alike) as he does Today (you see the stories on the videos) and Forever (Perfect Eternity with Jesus in Heaven).

The life of my heart over Jan/Feb/March 2012 has changed so much that it's hard to communicate in language. No event can help describe it all, though surfing and attending John's healing service certainly helped. There I witnessed miracle after miracle before my eyes (exactly as in the videos) at the service in Geelong, where one girl could even smell for the first time in her life!! There I was also encouraged to keep seeking a miracle, with shameless audacity and persistence as Jesus taught- since the 'seek' and 'knock' mentioned in Luke 11 above are in a present progressive tense, indicating a continuous seeking and knocking ('Seek and keep seeking. Knock and keep knocking' Mellor preached, as many healings happen over time). I've realised that my HEART is actually where much healing has been needed, since that is what stands between myself and God, and that is where my faith and receptiveness to his healing can be found if anywhere. Or perhaps some doubt and apathy that needs to be acknowledged. What is it for you?

Ultimate healing occurs in the heart when it receives Jesus and God's forgiveness for everything we've ever done against him and others. It occurs when it receives God's LOVE. It's through the extraordinary gift of Jesus' death- the penalty he paid for our sins on the cross. This is healing of the rebellious and deadly state we are in against God. This kind of healing is for everyone, the heart-miracle that lasts beyond this lifetime. 'Then Jesus said "Your sins are forgiven" (verse 48)'
So here are a few things that have happened in my heart with regard to healing and God.

- I am excited as I expect to see God to heal me physically soon, whenever exactly soon is. I can feel the 'unfurling' happening now as I press in, as faith and joy fill my heart.

-I am excited (no longer scared!) about surrendering everything that comes to mind to him, my future, my sins, my possessions, my heart. It's because I've been shown how good and gentle he really is. I'm allowing him to heal and forgive any unforgiving and negative thoughts inside- definitely key parts of healing!! Just as, if not more important.

- I believe that he wants healing for me and others. After all, heaven (God's Kingdom in full bloom) is made of glorious, shining bodies, never sick- like and with Jesus. That is a believer's eternal reality and destiny we are promised. For believers- at the very least, even death is only the doorway to full healing. And God's will is that none should die, but have life to the full!

- I now seek healing actively from Jesus, through persistent and 'pressing in' prayer (which I've learnt he responds to) when nothing seems to change. Daily, now. And I try to follow his leadings with what that looks like (ie. seek out a group to pray for me regularly, go to a naturopath (2 people brought it up in conversation in 1 week). All in a restful sense. I don't want to strive or be self or outcome-centred.

- I expect God to do far more than I 'ask or imagine' (Ephesians 3:20), so I am asking big (complete healing before August this year- big for me, though nothing for God!) and I am getting others to ask with me. I'm leaving the answering up to Him, according to his will, yet simultaneously believing that I've already received this healing- somehow! 'Lord I receive your healing power. I agree with your promise that 
'he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed' (Jesus on the cross- prophesied in Isaiah 53:5)
It's a weird yet wonderful journey- God help me on it!

These are just a few things.
Stay tuned for more! And may health and healing be yours. May you have faith in Jesus- that He wants to work his glory out in your life- and experience the joy and the reality of heavenly things that goes with!

Peace out:)

lesson #6: True Family Needed and True Family needs us Weaklings

I wrote this ages ago, and only now have had the get-up to edit and finally publish. Old thoughts made fresh with a click of the button. So fresh to me even! Amazing.

Sick people are often isolated from daily interactions in the normal circles of uni, school, parenting groups, work, sport, mosque, scout, church, volunteer networks or cause groups.
Even friends' events become a more occasional effort to muster (still with pleasure for me though!).

However Mark Sayers (along with many sociologists) explains that it's not just the marginalised that feel isolated. It's a cultural thing that everyone is often behaviourally isolated in this individualist generation. Our sense of 'family', community and commitment, of covenant has dwindled historically, particularly in this 21st century. Watch and read his blog if you're interested- it's definitely worth a look.

The Jesus faith is about being welcomed into God's family through Jesus himself. It's non-negotiable. If I'm an adopted daughter, then I automatically live with brothers and sisters in the world who I need. They need me. We belong to each other as we do to Jesus.

Being sick gives us opportunity to show that bond and allow family and others to care. Practically. As someone who needs practical help, I need to show my needs so they can meet them, and fullfil their sibling or friendship roles. I care for them as they care for me. I can pray or listen. I can be thankful, allow people to serve me, to 'wash my feet' metaphorically speaking. It was humbling and hard the first time it started to happen for me. I wanted to do things by myself, to show I could cope. 'I can do the house-work! It just takes some energy out of me so I've not much left'. 'I can cook, it's just really hard some days'.
'By-MY-SELF' was the first phrase I learnt to stubbornly repeat as a toddler. Seems not much had changed..til much later. I waited for someone to offer, which they did, but I then failed to take them up, because I didn't want to be a burden. Then things began to dawn on me. I've lost a bit of my pride since, for which I'm grateful.

Yes, with a little prompting from my housemate, I phoned/emailed up my church and asked for regular support and help. BIG deal for me! But I did it, and it was very liberating. I also arranged city council help for a small fee. Now I receive prayer, regular meals dropped off (taking into consideration my extremely picky dietry needs as specified by fructose malabsorption (commonly a CFS/CFIDS issue- around 70% of patients) and other spontaneous offers of help as before... just 'let me know when you need something!' Now finally I take up offers. Oh and the council lady is a GEM! It's taken me a little while to get used to receiving help- but it's much easier now!

It's truly healthy to feel free to say 'Please can you help?'. And 'thank you'.
From a Jesus' 'pedicure' perspective (it sounds bizarre, but it's a beautiful story of Jesus interacting with his friends before he dies- check it), it's the essence of following him anyway- saying 'yes please!' to God's love which is extended even to his enemies. It's allowing your embarrassingly 'smelly feet' (and the rest of you) to be washed by a King- who surely ought to be receiving our services! We are simply asked to say: 'I need you'. 'I need help'. 'Thank you'. It's all we can do. Very humbling. There's nothing I can do to equalise the giving with a deed to match, I just need to accept. And then we are commissioned to do the same for one another ongoing! The great thing about Jesus for me is that He helps and serves me everyday in so many ways, including washing me on the inside- wiping the grime of my selfishness and pride (self-sufficiency?) away with his blood and tears shed on the cross.

I am part of a body of people who are my family, not by blood but by Spirit. Some of this family attend my local church. Some don't, they are part of other churches. Incidently, not everyone at my 'local church' are guaranteed to be part of this body, though. The definition of being a 'body' member is being loved and washed inside by Jesus, in faith- and following him.

Every Jesus person is a 'body part'. Some body parts are weak or seemingly useless, like pinkies or earlobes, love-handles or double chins. Eyebrows. You get my drift. Some are apparently strong or useful: like muscles, abs, lungs and kidneys. I would liken the latter to, say, the doctors, front stage people; the preachers or youth group leaders, social-workers, soup-kitchen coordinators, or singers. The former, who knows? That's the thing. We often don't see the weak members do their little bit, 'cos that's them by definition almost. I'll have a go though: the gardeners and cookers, the strays or those who constantly seem on the margins of community, mixed with whole different worlds. The loving grannies who can't leave the house except once a week. The boy with Down's. The depressed and mentally unwell. The chronically ill (includes me: surprise!).

God gives everyone equal value. Not only that, but that we should give special attention to those who seem 'the least'; in opposite proportions to our automatic inclinations. Read Corinthians 12 here and here for reference in the most popular book every written.

Nobody really wants to announce with a megaphone that "I am a gift of God to you". So I why am I writing something that could make me look arrogant at worst, or a guilt-mongerer at best?

Someone who suffers, is a nuisance or who seems useless in any way for serving is really God's deliberate implantation for the good of his people. We are an opportunity for God's people to grow in patience, love and care for one another. We are a reminder that God's kingdom is made up; not of the successful or most efficient, nor the smartest or most active. In fact, all of us are rather useless to God in and of ourselves, really. It's only God's gift of Jesus- the Head- that gives us any life at all. Life so we can begin a feeble journey of learning to live and love and function as a body part- valued. Useful. Dependent on Jesus most of all.

I invite you to ask someone for help with anything as you may need it. Ok here's my obvious marketing mode switched on (Hey- we all market something, it just so happens that Jesus has changed my life and others' unimaginably, so that's who I do it for!): 
 I also want to encourage you to consider the idea of joining the diverse and eclectic flock of the Jesus' clan- us self-confessed spiritual weaklings; to care, and be cared for, if you've not ever thought to before. It's like nothing else this world of competition and independence could offer. It's crazy-love.

lesson #4: All things, good and evil can be used for our ultimate good.

So for 2010 pretty much, not much has changed physically for me. I'm still pretty housebound. I now can't walk that far, like around the block is a Great day for me, physically. If that, I feel on top of the world! I still keep doing my strength exercises like push-ups and crunches, but then one day I might accidently do one too many on top of a busy day previously, and before you know it, I've crashed. Back to square one it seems, after a week almost of recovery. My body is SOoo sensitive! I have to walk on eggshells for it, it seems, and even then, one false move, and merciless punishment awaits. Sickliness to be abhorred!


But I've been learning again and again over the years the following: 
(Romans 8:28-29)
²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a]have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.


The context of this is 'our present sufferings' which we're told are not even worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us. (v18)


I find that very hard to grasp when the sickliness seems so overwhelming, overpowering. But it's in these moments that I recall that even this moment of yuck is being used by God for my good...Why?


It's so I can be conformed to the image of his Son: Jesus! What an honour! He is using my sufferings to help me become like Jesus- because Jesus had to suffer faithfully before God to demonstrate his complete obedience:
(Hebrews 5: 8 'Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered ⁹ and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.')
 If I'm Jesus' sister, then why would I get out of learning the same, his way? 
Jesus was sinless, yet needed to demonstrate his obedience for God's saving purposes. I'm sinFUL, and need to be CHANGED through his obedience-bought salvation. I need to be changed by him, through trials, so that I can learn what it means to really honour God when things aren't as I want, or even should be.
To learn to obey and rejoice in suffering is...:
To really live for his glory, not for pleasure.
To live for heaven, not this earth and it's gifts.
To live for Jesus and not for myself.


Suffering can help us fix our eyes on what is important...relationships, love, the meaning of life, of death. And like patience is only learnt when it's tested by an annoying child (or mother?!), obedience and becoming like Jesus is mostly learnt it seems from going through experiences that test that allegiance.


The test could be anything!
But it's soo worth sticking it out. Because the crown we receive is not worth comparing to our 'brief' struggles, no matter how arduous they feel. Again,  Romans 8:¹⁸ I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.' And 2 Cor 4:17 'our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.' 


^{Wow. How amazing must heaven be? To outlast and outshine ALL my problems put together!} 
So, how do I endure and keep perspective?


I find comfort and focus in thinking and daydreaming of heaven. When things are horrible, it's often then I'm prompted by the Spirit to rejoice in God, because heaven awaits, and it I don't want it to be long, because I'm finding earth really hard right now!! So then I pray, 'Come Lord Jesus', and things feel right. Then I remember that God still has a plan for me to be a blessing to God and others on this earth before he comes- to see heaven invade earth now, and I've a heck of a lot of changing and blessing to do and be still, so I push into prayer and Jesus. I repent of my failings and distractions, and relax; 'cos I know it's Jesus who justifies me each day as God's child, through his sacrifice, not my good works. I get snagged so easy with addictions to ebay, the net and other things, then the battle changes to other things. Say, spiritual pride when I'm doing well; what a joke!  But God is winning in my heart, bit by bit!! He'll finish the job on me, I'm promised; yes.
¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor 4)


So, suffering can be the most useful and beneficial thing we could experience, if we learn through it Jesus' way.


That's all for today (a sickly one at that!)..:D 

lesson #3: Dying, death, mortality and more death....it doesn't have to be so bad!

Disclaimer: I am no emo (though if YOU are, that's fine with me). But it has to be said that death is inevitable. That is one thing that we can be certain of, no matter how much we might want to avoid being dogged about 'any one truth'.
And no average person I know actually wants to think about it, do we? I even avoid all the 'I'm sick' blogs, stuff riddled with unease and dis-ease.
 'My sister's keeper' with feisty Cameron Diaz and her cancer-ridden daughter just had me sobbing all afternoon. The movie is honest about the reality of death. It's sad, horrible and not right. The uncertainty is merely when, the sister narrates. The best question I've been challenged to keep asking myself lately is: How do I die well? That is, not only at my deathbed, nor as though 'this could be my last day, so how make it great?' (both these important), but also everyday, dying to myself?

All of our bodies are disintegrating that bit more everyday. I (having CFS) feel 'closer to death' more days of the year than those of us without ongoing illnesses, as another CFS friend said to me once. I can feel so flat, weak and lifeless that everything all could just melt; some hours, some days. It feels my life really doesn't have much to it at times.

This is not a pity plea. The point is, I'm actually finding this experience (especially lately) an opportunity to enable this confounding spiritual power to rise up in these moments. It's incredible. Don't miss out on this trip, if you're near death, or not!

I implore you not to ride this off if you're atheist or just not a 'spiro' sort.

Here are some actual, historical and seemingly unrelated facts that everybody should know about, I believe (christians, it's good to be reminded!).

• Jesus of Nazareth was whipped, abused and killed for claiming deity; being God- at around 33AD. He died. But he also said it was his father's divine choice/will, over-and-above it as a consequence of his 'blasphemy'.

• Jesus also claimed he'd rise from death. Destroy his 'temple' (body) and rebuild it 3 days later*.
• Jesus did rise from the dead 3 days later. (over 500 witnesses*, no body to be produced to negate this, impossible for him to get out of a stoned-up tomb alive, even if at best in a coma, people willing to die for the truth of it, the list goes on. Check it out for yourself here (simple summary) or read some books*.
• Jesus said it was for payment, 'as a ransom for many (people)' (Mark 10:45), a payment for sins, our offenses of high-treason again the most High God- namely 'we're God, not you, get stuffed!'. He said that anyone who believed in him (Jesus), would not die, but have eternal life (John 3:16), all because of God's love for the world; for us enemies so we could become friends again with God. It's a cosmic swap; we sin, Jesus pays for it in death. He rises to life, we get his life, his righteous identity and Spirit too, plus inseparable connection to God as children. Seem a little extravagant? Indeed. Unfair? Seems so. But God's justice is shown in that he didn't let horrendous crimes go unpunished (Romans 3:25)- they were on the cross. God certainly get's the raw end of the deal it seems. Very weird. Outrageous in fact. But it shows real LOVE, doesn't it?!

So if he did rise, and thus showing he is God and thus does give eternal life to believers,........

..then everything really, really is ok, as you trust him, whenever. It's a promise. Some promises I don't trust, like when some of my family members say they'll be somewhere on time, *ahem. But Jesus to me is always trustworthy, 'cos he's proven it. In history, and personally to me everyday. Jesus never promised a problem free life. His was riddled with our problems, so why should we expect better? Here are some promises for later, mixed with experiences for now, that believers have, that I've experienced even more richly through suffering:

Now: His indestructible life and presence within.

Later: fully glorious ('fully sic') bodies after we die (Think super-heroe style? Or not, up to you:)

Now; freedom and forgiveness, a love-filled heart and purpose, joy, hope, peace...

Later; perfect bodies, minds, jokes, relationships, water, animals and earth.. everything thriving in the beautiful, glorious, so-hot-it's-blinding light of Jesus the King.

This bible verse is a clincher: "...we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence." (2 Cor 4:14)

The closer I feel to death on some days, the stronger this hope also feels. “For we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that this all-surpassing power comes from God and not from us. (2 Cor 4:7)” That is one of the miracles for me now. I long for heaven more, am more joyful and full of peace. Though bed-ridden often, I'm really happy (of course I feel sad too, at times)! I love God and his ways more, and as expected, long often for this mortal body to disappear to be 'swallowed up by life'. I want that sooner rather than later often (*mutter: 'stoopid body!')!

But it's not suicidal. I actually just long to be with God now, and later too. That's probably the biggest miracle, my changed heart.

So how does this help me live well, and die well, daily? The bible talks about dying daily, as part of the life of Jesus. Oxymoron or paradox:

'For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus Christ's sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal bodies.' 2 Cor 4:11'

The author, Paul, here is talking about the persecutions that go with following Jesus, and the hardships.

So my conclusion is thus: it would be selfish of me to just keep this beautiful joy and hope to myself and just stay in bed (as I must, often), hanging out for heaven. I can't and shouldn't, though I'm tempted to. So this is the actual reason why I blog now. I wouldn't bother, otherwise.

God's love makes me want to tell everyone about Jesus, to trust Jesus; no matter how stressful, hurtful, horrible, sickly or deathly their/your situation is. For me to die to me, I need to forget my fear of you, of people and what they think of me in my 'preaching'.

God's love makes me a thankful for his grace and compassion to do such a thing for us. To die to myself means to respond with grace and compassion toward others and reach out, despite my own needs, despite the cost of energy it may have. To spend what little energy I do have on glorifying God, by loving others, praying for others, loving him.

Choosing to stay with a sick family meant we all had conjunctivitis eyes (can you tell?) and I was trashed.  But i felt for Jesus' love, it's a small example of dying to myself to stay and love, despite the costs on health.

I don't always do this, sadly. And sometimes I don't know how. I'm torn between keeping myself healthy (to be better for later things) and doing something now that I know will make me worse but will benefit others now. And sometimes I just do what's best for me! Selfish? Sometimes. Sometimes not. It's a grey area- the answer changes from day to day. But thankfully I have a personal spiritual advisor 24/7 for those kind of questions. I'm a slow listener, but getter better with maturation. And hey, at least there is a cost to count (ie. limited energy)! That's reassuring. It seems that everyone could call themselves christian and it not cost anything, and thus mean nothing, these days. 

So, glorifying God. Again, I'm a slow learner, but I do see changes as days and months go by. 


If you are not a God-nutter, have you thought about death and what it will mean? Have you considered Jesus' story, the evidence and his offer? All good things in this life will come to the end. If you join Jesus, only the best and unspeakable joy, love and much more will be given along with the hardships, and later so much perfection and more that is unthinkable to the most imaginative of us. 

If you are christian, do you have deathly, testing moments these days that can be embraced to meet Jesus in his death, and let him meet you there? The cross is not merely an access code to heaven, but a means of mentoring and helping us along the process of reaching our deaths.

 Are there any trials at the moment that can remind you that you are mortal, a brief moment in history (like grass on a 'black saturday')? And that this life is only 'a door through the last barrier (our earthly existence) that keeps us from eternal life and the radiant gladness of knowing our Creator face to face'? (Dawn, M; p226)

JESUS' DEATH WE DESERVED, he took

Any Bad events or even people that you wish didn't exist that can be used to draw you closer to God, to rely on him more, to pray more, to love him more than his good gifts (that might temporarily or permanently have disappeared, including this life)?

Any trapping addictions of your natural self that you can 'put to death' today with the Spirit's power? (Romans 8:13)


We have a great high-priest who has suffered everything. He understands the pain and weakness (read Hebrews, partic. 2:18). Get into him.

Refs:

The bible:


-the book of Mark, partic 8:29-30, 9:30, 31, 10:29-31, chapters 11 onwards..or any other gospel for that matter..
- 2 Corinthians 4


-The Case for Christ, Lee Strobel
-'More than a carpenter', Josh McDowell (for a short read...
-'Is the new testament reliable?' Paul Barnett.
-"Being well when you're ill: Wholeness and hope in spite of infirmity.', Marva Dawn. This book has provided lots of inspiration for this post. Credit here!

Yr 11 poem

Wow. I discovered some old year 11 & 12 creative writing pieces that I did, was it, 13 years ago? Jeepers. Creative writing is something I've always enjoyed and been reasonably ok at, but thought I would end up doing in another life; like when I was 50 and had met a multitude of people, travelled, or had had enough near-death experiences in exotic places to make the read worthwhile. So I never entered that creative writing course at Deakin. Instead I went to La Trobe to be a Speech Path. After all, I'd knew I'd get bored in front of a computer without people after a few hours!

And now here I am, alone for hours on end at home, often with my computer! Ironic. Smiley face.

Here is a poem written when in Year 11, at 17: I have not changed a word of the original, after considering it!

Time

You meet; then ponder

It, Him, Her and feel some wonder

Yes! Positive. Sky is blue.

I'm of special consideration on the twelfth of August 1992.

And donc, one fumbles a tongue, or gestures

incorrectly:

And for a time

I'm left stunned, spiritually famished and standing quite erectly.

And the clock continues its emotional fluctuation

through souls on pilgrimage

in the World.

Behold the Cosine and Sine rule inventions:

A practical form describing

such whimsical intentions!

One makes torrid appeals

for one steadfast solution

to supplant this eternal scatter of 'wants' and 'feels'.

To rid of insensible pollution;

by screaming for a Rock to elevate me away...

and it works,

well, for a time anyhow.

******

Those 'emotional fluctuations' could have described my hormonal state as a teen. My mood, academic performance or self-esteem. The gist is, my sense of identity and security lay often squarely on the day's position on the sine/cosine graph (swinging up and down like a pendulum). But really, I think it was talking about my spiritual journey, or 'performance' even: Up and down; the frustrating, never-ending inevitability of that. I didn't see any meaning, narrative or progress. Just up and down. Up and down.

At that time, I knew what the Rock was, who it was... Jesus Christ. I'd experienced Him in person. Experienced the love and safety of his being, the indescribable joy of knowing deep inside that I'm eternally safe because of Jesus' gift. But you forget when learning. I forget today, learning. However, looking back, that rock is more and more the thing that meets me at the low point on the Y axis as well as the high. It's more automatic, that deference to the Rock, than back then.

So over this last decade or so, I've grown more thankful when things go well, acknowledging the Rock who's the one who blesses me with gifts, abilities or happy times. With growth in character or the ability to love better. And I go back (at least eventually) or cling tight to the Rock in the low, when I fail, grieve, am ill for so long, or think or act wrongly against the Creator of love and life itself, against the Rock himself. Or when I am just at a loss as to what to do.

And it 'works', every the time, running to that Rock. My Rock doesn't necessarily take me away from the mess, but that graph of feelings/happenings/performance/spiritual step-ups is not the master of my identity or fate. It is no indicator of my true spiritual state.

The Rock is. And he stays the same.
"...neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our LORD." Rom 8:39

Smiley face.

Starting Out

Well here we are. Finally I'm entering the blogosphere... something I've honestly avoided with disdain. Surely writing your own thoughts to splash around the internet is somewhat vain?

For many it may be. But this is our culture! I am, however, slowly learning to become less judgmental, less black and white about labeling some things, because the universe is so big, God is bigger and I really don't know what the heck goes on in people's hearts and minds, even if I think I can guess.

For me, this serves as a new way for sharing the gems, pain, joy, dust and hope that the Creator Jesus has allowed and blessed me in this life, particularly as I'm generally housebound with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Several people have mentioned that I should write; a book, a blog, a journal, video of the things that God has been teaching me. So I guess now is the time for those nudges to move me to action.

I'll write about stuff I read and reflect on in the bible. Or forward things I've read that help me. For you who don't like the bible or read it, don't rule this out yet. Seriously, there is something for everybody in that book: the world's best seller, the most historically reliable compilation in the universe. I'll write about the connections between ordinary life and spiritual movement. I'll try to write honestly and variously.

May it be helpful to your soul, whoever you are. May it be a sweet aroma to the Watcher and Owner of everything:)