No entry for September. Why? I had pain. Very severe, sudden and excruciating pain in what felt like was my bladder. It increased and increased in frequency and severity to the point that I dragged myself up out the door to go to the doctor.
Scans found a 'mass' of unknown quality. HUGE! 7cm on the right ovary. The GP wasted no time in getting me to a specialist, insinuating that I'd probably get a laparoscopy done (surgery cut for a camera to go in, with possible removal of lump).
I should note that the initial finding of the lump was a great shock. So I cried! Thankfully a friend asked to drop over that day, so instead of dropping over, she picked me up from the clinic in tears and kindly prayed for me. I felt great peace that stayed with me for the several weeks after, once having a good cry and entrusting everything to God.
So I was all set for hospital. Got lots of friends to pray. I packed all my essentials, and since my parents were away, got organised to stay with relatives post-operative.
For the details of surgery and ME and how they might relate, my specialist said to make sure I drink plenty of Aquaforce (a scientifically balanced energy drink which I take regularly anyway. It basically increases blood volume and keeps sugar/salt/magnesium levels balanced etc. Great for when you are stranded feeling light headed somewhere!) before surgery. AND also to keep up vitamin B12 intake with the other synergistic aids (vit E, Metafolin etc), which rid of the excessive nitric oxide/oxidative stress on the body. That way the general anesthetic won't hit so hard, 'just speaking from clinical experience', he said. It made sense. So I packed it all!
Finally I went to the women's specialist with a friend. He asked me about my menstrual cycle. He got excited when I told him it coincided with the scan.
To cut a long story short- after a 2nd scan, through people's prayers, the fact that ovaries do strange things naturally, and that cysts are quite common in women, it turned out that:
1. The doc was happy not to open me up
2. He pointed out 2 smaller cysts
3. I've not had any pain of this nature since.
4. IF it does come back again, I'm to go straight to hospital, with all my scan shots.
Surprise! What a roller-coaster. I'm not sure what that was all about, but I do know that I was saved from having to go into theater, and the pain has gone of it's own accord. I know that God answers prayers because he answers mine and others', time and time again. I think this was just another example.
I can't imagine how horrible general anesthetic, surgery and ME would be like together. For now I'm thankful I don't have to!
Showing posts with label ME. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ME. Show all posts
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Mourning into dancing
"Dry your tears, for soon you shall dance." This was a word given to me at a praise and prayer gathering at my church last Saturday.
Dare I believe it? I will. With all my heart. I've already been dancing.
This process began when a night of grief overtook me after I began to play the piano on Friday for the first time in, shall we say, a little while? What a waste of this gift that God had given me! So beautiful, these song-gifts.
I've hardly shared them over the last year. Hardly played alone even. I've been too unmotivated, too fatigued, too burdened with my 'to do' list when I DO have energy, that I've let this gift lie dormant.
But they're not dead I've realised. God knows, he is gracious and has a plan.
Since a night of lament and praise- a public display of grieving and tears, receiving joy, hope, prayers, words and hugs from beautiful women who held me up so I could dance to the last song- I have been released in a new way, again.
I'd been praying about what kind of exercise to do that would actually get me fitter and stronger; out of this frustrating plateau of cyclic floppiness!
The answer came on Sunday morning following. I can dance! I love to dance before God. I've missed this so much without knowing. This morning, for the second time, I did it in the garden, in front of our hard-rubbish pool on the grass with my ipod pumping 'I surrender...to youuuu... Your love makes it worth it all...' Maybe I'll have over-done it today. Who knows? But either way, my songs are flowing again, my love is growing, his love keeps flowing, and I am joyfully not in control of my days.
A new day is today. Tomorrow is newer still. And God never takes you backward in his love, only deeper and forward, and I can not wait to see how and where that will be. And it's so like Jesus to give us all of this:
Isaiah 61:
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Dare I believe it? I will. With all my heart. I've already been dancing.
This process began when a night of grief overtook me after I began to play the piano on Friday for the first time in, shall we say, a little while? What a waste of this gift that God had given me! So beautiful, these song-gifts.
I've hardly shared them over the last year. Hardly played alone even. I've been too unmotivated, too fatigued, too burdened with my 'to do' list when I DO have energy, that I've let this gift lie dormant.
But they're not dead I've realised. God knows, he is gracious and has a plan.
Since a night of lament and praise- a public display of grieving and tears, receiving joy, hope, prayers, words and hugs from beautiful women who held me up so I could dance to the last song- I have been released in a new way, again.
I'd been praying about what kind of exercise to do that would actually get me fitter and stronger; out of this frustrating plateau of cyclic floppiness!
The answer came on Sunday morning following. I can dance! I love to dance before God. I've missed this so much without knowing. This morning, for the second time, I did it in the garden, in front of our hard-rubbish pool on the grass with my ipod pumping 'I surrender...to youuuu... Your love makes it worth it all...' Maybe I'll have over-done it today. Who knows? But either way, my songs are flowing again, my love is growing, his love keeps flowing, and I am joyfully not in control of my days.
A new day is today. Tomorrow is newer still. And God never takes you backward in his love, only deeper and forward, and I can not wait to see how and where that will be. And it's so like Jesus to give us all of this:
Isaiah 61:
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Pulling right back...
Thank you my Creator, thank you CFS/ME Oz. I've decided (with good counsel) not to work anymore. No more paid work for 6 months as a Speechie. And to think my boss is happy for me! A little volunteer admin for my clinic, yep- no worries! But no more pressure to get out of the house, dressed, fed, ready, help and engage with difficult dyslexic child, write, chat to boss, drive, home, crash! I'm so relieved, despite my ongoing need for a little extra cash (to top up the pension). Yeah, I'm being taught not to worry about money. My Big Brother happens to own all the assets in the universe so I'm trying to remember that.
For those with fatigue issues (be it CFS/ME, Fibromyalgia, POTS or other cause), please do check out this link from ME/CFS Australia on 'pacing'. http://www.mecfs.org.au//media/files/factsheets/English-Sheet4.pdf That is, pacing your activity/energy so that you not only survive, but allow space to heal and get better!! Yeah commmooonnn!
I should have read this document 3 years ago. My instinct was saying that even 1 client a week plus admin was too much (my current working level). Having checked an objective measuring scale of disability, I should be aiming for 50% of my capability each day, to get 'energy credit', kind of like a budget for savings, for healing. I've been using up all my weekly budget without allowing any 'slush' fund for my mitochondria (energy-making machines in cells) to draw from. Thus, when I bring myself into an energy deficit, I'm slowly decreasing what's left of any savings (if any) and making things worse. Well, that's one aspect of the picture, but a big one at that. The measurement scale told me where I was function-wise, and what I should be doing. I have not been doing 'less enough'.
So I'm very grateful for this timely little fact sheet at the beginning of a school Term, a perfect time to take leave from an extremely gracious and generous boss. The timing of my discovery only ingrains my certainty that my Dad is boss of the timing of everything too. I wonder about his timing of me finding the fact sheet now, rather than earlier. But all things good come from him, whenever they come, so I'm not complaining!
For those with fatigue issues (be it CFS/ME, Fibromyalgia, POTS or other cause), please do check out this link from ME/CFS Australia on 'pacing'. http://www.mecfs.org.au//media/files/factsheets/English-Sheet4.pdf That is, pacing your activity/energy so that you not only survive, but allow space to heal and get better!! Yeah commmooonnn!
I should have read this document 3 years ago. My instinct was saying that even 1 client a week plus admin was too much (my current working level). Having checked an objective measuring scale of disability, I should be aiming for 50% of my capability each day, to get 'energy credit', kind of like a budget for savings, for healing. I've been using up all my weekly budget without allowing any 'slush' fund for my mitochondria (energy-making machines in cells) to draw from. Thus, when I bring myself into an energy deficit, I'm slowly decreasing what's left of any savings (if any) and making things worse. Well, that's one aspect of the picture, but a big one at that. The measurement scale told me where I was function-wise, and what I should be doing. I have not been doing 'less enough'.
So I'm very grateful for this timely little fact sheet at the beginning of a school Term, a perfect time to take leave from an extremely gracious and generous boss. The timing of my discovery only ingrains my certainty that my Dad is boss of the timing of everything too. I wonder about his timing of me finding the fact sheet now, rather than earlier. But all things good come from him, whenever they come, so I'm not complaining!
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